摘要：一旦了知每件事情的发生都有“境、念、行、果”四个过程，处理事情的空间就拉大了。我们就可以主动运用心念，在问题、障碍中游刃有余地获取选择的权力，找到解决之道。
我们每个人都渴望自由，但不知道怎么获得真正的自由。平时没事的时候感觉自由，一旦在事相中遇到问题或障碍了，就感到不自由了。真正的自由是在解决问题、障碍的过程中获得的。
我们还是一起来了解、实践一件事情发生的四个过程——境、念、行、果。
比如，孩子有玩iPad、手机的不良习惯（境），父母解决不了，因此而担心、焦虑（果）。由于被孩子习气的境相所影响和制约，父母每次都会条件反射性地对孩子附加负面的心理作用。而这种负面的心理暗示（念）会像诅咒一样反复地伤害孩子，同时也伤害自己（行），最终强化了孩子沉溺于习气、让父母头痛的事实（果）。
也就是说父母因为受到境的蒙蔽，发出消极的心念，推动了负面的行为，不但没能解决问题，反而造成了整个事情的恶化，最后促成了与期望相反的恶果。
其实事情发生的前三个过程都有调整的空间，其中最核心、最关键的是第二步——心念的调整与转变。
如果在此案例中，父母把对孩子的担心、焦虑转化成爱护和祝福，用这种正面的心念就能产生积极的引导方法。如果我们不去过度夸大、强化孩子玩iPad的不良习惯这个表相，而是客观、清晰、多角度、长久地观察，就会发现它只是孩子成长过程中一个阶段性的需要。
一方面，父母要警觉玩iPad上瘾可能给孩子带来的危害，比如说破坏健康、情绪失控、对父母不亲不尊、责任心差、生活能力弱，以及隔离、孤独感强等等；另一方面，也要了解为什么孩子会沉迷于此，孩子的哪些心理和现实需要被忽略了，才会让iPad占据自己的生活空间来弥补缺失。
父母对此状况有了全面、彻底地观察和了解，才有机会用善巧的方法引导孩子的认知，推动孩子主动抉择，调整不良习惯。很多时候，一个不良习惯难以改变，是因为我们对其认知不够清晰，似是而非，所以内心生不起真正改变的需要和抉择的勇气。
一旦了知每件事情的发生都有“境、念、行、果”这四个过程，那么处理事情的空间就拉大了。这样，我们就可以主动运用心念，在问题、障碍中游刃有余地获取选择的权力，找到解决之道，而不是心为境转，蒙蔽、受制于事相，不得自由。
Seize the moment to make a change
We all have a crave for freedom but no one knows how to obtain it. Our spirit seems free until we face some issues or obstacles. But actually, true freedom lies in the process of having our problems solved.
Let’s consider the four stages that constitute any event: the situation, the mind, the action or behaviour and the result.
For instance, a child has got this bad habit of playing too much on his/her Ipad, this can be regarded as the situation. Meanwhile, the parents feel worried and anxious because they are unable to solve this problem, that is the result.
Constrained by their child’s habit, parents act out of conditioned reflex to impose their own negative response. The child feels hurt and cursed and so do the parents. In the end, the child strengthens his bad habit and the parents get a headache!
In other words, the phenomenon has obscured the parents’ view and their negative mind has encouraged a bad behaviour, the issue not only cannot be solved and rather makes the situation worse. The outcome turns out to be the total opposite of the original intention.
But there is place for flexibility to adjust the situation. And the core part is the way you set and adjust your mind.
The parents could shift from worries and anxiety to care and good wishes. This attitude would create a more positive way and more space to guide their child. The aim is to avoid strengthening the addictive way of Ipad use and to do so one should observe it peacefully and patiently from a different perspective. Doing so, we will understand that it is merely a temporary need of the child as he grows up.
In the meantime, parents should pay attention to any potential harm that will occur if the child is too much addicted, for example if his health is affected or becomes bad at managing his mood or feels distant and disrespectful to parents or has a weak sense of responsibility or does not know when enough is enough or else, feels isolated and lonely etc… On the other hand, parents need to find out why their kid sinks into such an addiction and what are the psychological and factual needs that have been neglected to a point that their child uses Ipad as a surrogate of the missing part of his life.
Only when parents have a thorough observation and understanding of the situation, will they have a chance to apply some skilful means to guide their child, to encourage him to make the right choice and to adjust his habit. Because most of the times when we find it hard to change a bad habit, the background reason is that we find the situation unclear and we are not fully aware of it so the inner desire for a change or the courage to make right decisions cannot arise.
Once we know about these four steps: the phenomenon, the mind, the behaviour and the outcome, there will be more flexibility to handle the matter. In case we are trapped in a problem or by an obstacle we could apply our mind freely, obtain the power to choose and find out a solution with ease instead of running after the phenomenon, being blinded by it and losing our free will.
Sunshine Breakfast
《斐济日报》原文链接：http://newcloudfto.fijitimes.com/story.aspx?ref=archive&id=429943
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