武断的危害

摘要：平常我们在探讨或谈论人与人之间的爱情、友情、矛盾之类的问题时，往往都是比较武断的。对一个人的某一点不满，就对他所有的东西都不满。这就是没有让心做主，陷入了事情一时的表相。

平常我们在探讨或谈论人与人之间的爱情、友情、矛盾之类的问题时，往往都是比较武断的。好比说到自己的家人、亲戚、朋友“这个人坏了、那个人好了”，我们会很武断地把对方的所有都认为是好的或者是坏的——对一个人的某一点不满，就对他所有的东西都不满。这就是没有让心做主，陷入了事情一时的表相，以点带面了。

一个人武断判定的习惯越强，做事就貌似越果断。现在的人喜欢用“冷酷”来形容，说某某人做事冷酷。实际这不是果断，而是武断的知见带给人的感觉罢了。

我们要是尝试从时间长短的角度去观察，会发现长远地看一件事情，跟一时地看这件事情，是不一样的。实际上，一件事情，从自身看、从他人看、从多角度看，才会有认识它、超越它的机会。这样一来，就离开了武断判定的习惯，培养让心做主就有机会了。

我们经常遇到人们在感情上、做事上，或者重大抉择上赌气的情况。在夫妻感情、朋友关系中，由于我们对事情缺乏长远的、多方面的看待，很武断就去判定，结果就很容易伤害到对方。

所以我们需要观察，没有观察过，就很难认清。认识不清晰，就会盲目地根据自己的感觉做事情。清晰很重要。观察与清晰就是梳理自心、熟悉自己思想的一个方法。认清就好了，就像你对回家的路很熟悉了，根本就不会说回家很难。

要是我们从时间的长短，个人的强项、弱项等多方位来观察，了解、认清了这样一个一时的事相，我们的心就可以超越它，就会拥有不陷入其中的自由。陷入其中的人很烦恼，很容易就被事相锁定了。很多时候事情一来，我们不会从正反面、自他角度看，只知道说是说非，不准有第二个答案。这当中往往武断的东西比较多，它会使我们割裂的烦恼习气变重。

许多家庭的矛盾，大多都是对事情一时的武断造成的。丈夫或者妻子认为彼此之间发生的事不得当了，就说“不行，我原谅不了你”、“不行，一定是这样的，分开”……陷入事相当中伤害对方。因为考虑到家里有孩子，又担心社会舆论，所以虽然没离婚但婚姻内容也是名存实亡，或者干脆离婚不离家。这种情况现在特别多。一旦心里那个被武断判定的种子有了，就很容易陷入事相中，很容易闹矛盾，造成很多的伤害。

武断这个习惯培养久了，破坏性很强。为什么大家会有这种武断的习惯呢？我们要认识它，要了解它的来源。

人有武断，也就有调柔，武断与调柔是一对。

如果遇到事情，一时产生一个判定、一念武断了，我们可以再换个角度观察，从调柔的角度来看看这件事情，问问自己假设在调柔的情况下观察事情，是什么样的呢？那对事情的陷入就变成了超越，我们就超越了武断对我们的制约了，再来判定就比较周全了。

我们的心做得主，主动就现前了，心就可以转境，而不被境转，这就是觉悟人生的开始。

The soothing side of a flexible mind

We usually tend to be arbitrary when talking about love or friendship issues or any personal relationship conflicts. For instance, when we mention our relatives or friends, we often refer to their behaviour as being right or wrong. As a result, we become biased and we consider that someone is only bad or only good. In other words, because of one particular dissatisfaction or satisfaction with someone, we tend to generalise it to everything he does. This is because we fail to listen to our heart and we get entangled in the phenomenal aspects of events. We mistake one part for the whole.

The stronger the habit of making judgment, the more self-confident a person may seem to be. Some of us may think such kind of person is “cool”, but actually they are not, they are arbitrary.

If we change perspective from short term to long term, we may draw a different conclusion. Actually, only if we try to observe a situation with multiple angles, considering, as well as ours, other people’s point of view for instance, only then can we have a clear understanding of it and have the opportunity to transcend it. Thus, we keep away from the habit of arbitrary judgement and get the opportunity to let our heart be powerful enough to decide.

We can very often notice that people make arbitrary decisions out of anger or disappointment whether it be in relationships or career. And one is very likely to hurt somebody if they lack longer term perspective and do not take some distance to observe different points of view.

This is why we need to observe thoroughly, from different angles to be aware of the whole situation otherwise we are likely to rush into things based on our emotions and feelings. It is crucial to understand and observe how to untangle oneself and be familiar with the ways of arising thoughts to have a clear mind. It is important to know yourself well because it is never hard to return home as long as we are very familiar with the way leading back to it.

If we observe our mind from as many angles as possible, we can see through the phenomenal things, we can see they are changeable and our heart will transcend it instead of being trapped into it. Those who rely on one mindset only feel obscured and stuck. Most of the time, when we are confronted with an event, we are not able to observe it from both positive and negative point of view, from both ours as well as the other’s point of view. Instead we come up with the arbitrary assumption that someone is right or wrong failing to see there are alternative answers. Such arbitrariness leads us to strong and narrow dualistic habits.

Many family issues are due to this arbitrary subjectivity. When one thinks what his wife or her husband does is wrong, he or she would say: “No, I cannot forgive you”, or “This is it, we have to get separated”. But even though, they are still stuck into the phenomenal situation. Some don’t get divorced because of the children, others because of public gossips, and marriage only exists for the sake of appearances. Or they simply get divorced without leaving each other which is also common nowadays. Once the seeds of judgment are sown, people unavoidably get trapped into conflict and cause a lot of pain to each other.

Arbitrariness is very destructive if the seeds have been long fed. Why cultivate such a habit? We need to be aware and understand its origin.

If our mind can be assertive, it can also be open and gentle-hearted.

These are two sides of the same coin, so to speak. Therefore, when arbitrary opinions arise, we should try to observe it from another angle, a softer perspective. What is it like if we soften our heart and observe it again?

Well, we transcend it, our mind experiences some kind of enlightenment, it becomes powerful enough to shift and adapt instead of being restricted by phenomena.

《斐济日报》原文链接：http://newcloudfto.fijitimes.com/story.aspx?ref=archive&id=430734