父母孩子相互尊重协商

摘要：父母教育孩子问题的三步曲：在相互尊重的基础上协商一一约定一一 引导认知。

问题：父母的问题来源于不能承担孩子玩iPad 带来的后果，孩子的问题来源于特别想玩但又控制不了玩的时间。父母想强制让孩子戒掉，对孩子造成了极大的心理反抗。

方法：父母真诚如实地把自己内心承担不了孩子玩iPad带来的不良后果告诉孩子，同时提供几个观察角度来让孩子做自己的选择。这个选择是无怨无悔的就好。在相互尊重的基础上协商一个可执行的约定，这个约定中的具体细节一定不是单方面的，而是双方没有逼迫并且都愿意承担的，这样可以引导孩子及父母对约定的守护。约定超越了一切对错、好坏、埋怨的心理概念，约定使复杂纠结的心理状态回归到一个简单有力、可调整的心理状态上。从复杂问题回到简单约定上去练习，最主要是让孩子从心灵深处认知生命的增上与减损，光明是给与生命增上的，玩iPad对生命、时间的侵占及身体的伤害都是对生命的减损。大人看得远，但往往会忽略孩子的心理需求。

Parents and Their Kid Negotiate with Mutual Respect

Question: The problem of the parents comes from that they cannot take the consequences of their kid’s iPad-playing. The problem of the kid, on the other side,  comes from that he is desperately craving for playing but he cannot control the time. Parents want to force their child to quit his iPad, which leads to a great psychological resistance from their kid.

Method: Parents should sincerely tell their kid that they cannot bear the consequences of his playing on the iPad. At the same time, they should also provide several foreseeable observations and recommendations to allow their child to make his own choices, as long as he has no regrets. The two parties could work out a feasible settlement with mutual respect. The specific details of this settlement must not be unilateral and enforced, but be accepted voluntarily by both sides, which can guide the kid and his parents to comply with it. The settlement transcends all psychological concepts in terms of right or wrong, good or bad, complains, etc., thus can bring the complex and obsessed psychological state back to a simple, powerful and flexible one. Try to simplify complex issues by returning to a simple settlement. The most important thing is to let the child learn from deep inside of the beneficial or harmful effects on life conducted by his own actions. Light always lives with the beneficial state of life. The parents take a long-term view and fully understand the negative effects from iPad-playing such as wasting time and hurting the body, but they tend to ignore the psychological needs of their kid.