摘要：高频率、高密度的日常生活相处，人情交往、事业家庭等生活相续，大部分人可能就会在事相上积累。积累到承担不了时，人与人之间的关系就开始出现危机。
任何一个家庭都会有处理不好的事情积累。高频率、高密度的日常生活相处，人情交往、事业收入、繁琐家务事等等生活相续在不断发生，大部分人可能就会在事相上积累。积累到一定的厚度了，或者说承担不了时，人与人之间的关系就开始出现危机。
在这些累积的事情一个个地占领自己思想空间的同时，我们还会把这个占领推及别人——“你看你这个事情又如何了”……可能有时一段时间我们会调整得过来，想法被暂时压住，似乎忘了，但过一段另一个事情发生，又会被翻出来。然后就开始翻老账，什么陈仓压箱底几年、十几年前的东西都被翻出来了。结果很多家庭就此成为了“战场”。这个积累的尘垢把所有的生活资源都蒙蔽起来，把所有的感情基础等等全部都蒙蔽起来了。蒙蔽会造成一个事实。
我们怎样才能及时消化每一个发生的事相，不让它们像面团一样发酵，不让小问题变成大问题，不让小问题连带出几年、几十年的积累呢？
大部分人都会说 “这道理上谁都知道，事上……”。
因为往往在这个事上，我们不把道理和事情建立联系。我们总是只坚固这个事相，说 “他真做了这么个事情啊！”“他真干了这个不能忍受的事，碰了我的底线啊！”等等很多说法。
实际产生这很多具体的、积累的、负累的理由和内容，是因为我们没有及时地返回到性空的特质上、如幻的特质上，没有回到这个美好的基础，或者说这样一个大地的安稳载负处，一个可以承担的地方。
如果我们没有回到这个可以承担的状态，没有返回到这个令人心安乐、轻松的特质上来，那这些积累就会把人击垮。
那能不能把现实、因果、事相返回到我们能忍受的、能接受的、安稳的、清净的事实基础上来呢？——实际这就是解决问题的根本，就是解决问题的一个动力与善巧，一个标准。
之前提过的“尊重、协商、约定、守护”八字诀，是一个具体可操作的方法；同事、爱语、饶益、布施，也是一个具体的方法。我们若能不隔念、不隔时、不隔日地来运用这些实际的方法，就能一点点化解、消融事相，让一切重置如初。每一个当下的问题就能如理地被处理、化解，情绪带动会被减低。
在回归清净的心态下，有时我们会问自己 “那个我认为很大的、很严重的问题，是真实的吗？”“问题不被发酵、扩大时，是不是还是问题，或者还那么严重吗？”在遇到很具体的对境中，尤其是自己难以忍受，积累了很久的事相、理由上，我们更该这样去专注于这个地方。一旦解决了，那人生、人心就能轻松起来，就有方法了。
一次次地运用这些方法来调整，对解决棘手、难受、多年的心结、积累的旧伤，我们就会越来越有信心。因为它们一一地淡化了，渐渐回到原本清净的状态。生命轻快、明亮起来。
这样，我们就能在一切本不可得的基础上回归，就是所谓的无所得、无我、性空、无生这样一个空净状态——我们返回了。能回到安稳的心理基础上来安顿我们的家庭、社会交往、感情维系等等，那我们就能主动清晰地来运用自身的婚姻、家庭，使它变得对我们的生活与人生有真正地支持，而不会是减损，不会负累了。
Do not let the problems ferment
Problems occur in every family. Living together on a daily bases, social interactions, income issues, family chores in daily life grow into interpersonal crisis when prob-lems build up to the extent that most people cannot bear.
When these accumulated problems occupy our minds, we may be even inclined to blame others. “Don’t you know that you are doing this again!”. Sometimes we can adjust for a period and such thoughts can be covered by other happenings, so prob-lems have been seemingly left behind. But one day, if a certain happening prompts our afflictions, we will remind ourselves of the problems dated even way back a dec-ade. Therefore many families turn into battle field. The thick layer of dust – accumu-lation of issues blinds us from all our life resources and the foundation of our rela-tions. Then the blinding will become a real problem.
How should we deal with every phenomenon in time to prevent it from fermenting into a more serious and bigger issue or to prompt accumulation of afflictions in years’ time?
Most people would say that theory is one thing and practice is another.
Frequently we don’t link issue in life with the theory, and instead, we always solidify the issue by saying “He really did it.” or “He has really crossed my bottom line by doing this.” The reason why we have so many excuses to allow ourselves to accumu-late afflictions and feel burdened is that people never return to the beautiful founda-tion of emptiness in time, the place we can live with, which is like earth carrying us, safe and sound.
Without returning to this bearable status, our pleasing and relaxing “earth”, all the afflictions will pouring in and thus knocking us out.
The solution to these problems lies in the fact that whether or not we are able to bring the happenings in life back to the stable and pure foundation, which is accepta-ble and unbearable. That is the real key to all problems. It could be regarded as a motivation, a skillfulness or a standard to address real questions as well.The four-word-rule of “Respect, Negotiation, Agreement and Observance” we shared before is a concrete and feasible principle in solving problems. Being the buddy of others, kind words, practice of giving, and benefiting others are also a set of practical solu-tions. If we put these methods into practice with no intervals of mind, hour, day, the problems can be loosened and dissolved bit by bit and everything can return to the very beginning, its pure nature. When each single problem can be dealt with proper-ly, disturbances of our emotion will be reduced.
In the status of purified mind, we sometimes may ask ourselves the question, “Is that ‘huge’ problem really huge?” or “Is it still a problem if it doesn’t develop fur-ther?” In the face of a real issue, especially an unbearable one that ferment for long, we should better focus on solving it through these methods. Once we could shift our minds at this point, then we would find the way to loosen up our heart and remove those burdens in our life.
More successful practices of these ways bring us more confidence to face with our old bruises and problems, since we can see these problems gradually dissolving into its primordial purity. Thus life becomes lighter and brighter in this way.
We can then return to the essential nature of everything –nothing can be obtained, there is not a self, everything is empty by nature, and nothing ever arise. This stable status of mind helps us to make proper arrangements for families, social activities and relationships. It is the time that our marriages and families can become a support to our living and life, rather than a harm and burden.
Sunshine Breakfast
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