夫妻及亲人相处

摘要：相处过程也是修行过程，心地要能回到刚刚相见时的尊重与需求，保持相敬如宾，不忘初衷。

夫妻及亲人之间的生活是个大修行， 出现问题时彼此之间很难原谅对方，对朋友却很容易彼此原谅，这主要原因一部分来源于亲人之间太过密切，一部分来源于控制欲，更主要来源于对自我意识的不能夹杂，如同身体里夹杂着玻璃。自我的不原谅是自我心灵深处对社会、对他人、对自己的一些不允可，是自我的执着与固化。

相处过程也是修行过程，心地要能回到刚刚相见时的尊重与需求，保持相敬如宾，不忘初衷。一开始相见时有很多彼此之间的需要，但长期相处过程中又会出现很多的不需要，就像结婚前各自都放弃了很多去与对方结婚，相处久了又把原来放弃的东西都要回来了，这更需要大量的耐心去消融各自不对称的心理。

The Ways of Getting on for Couples or Family Members

It is a big Dharma practice to get along with each other in relationships such as couples and family members. In times of conflict, it is difficult for them to forgive each other while it is rather easier to forgive a friend. One of the main reasons is that on the one hand family members are too intimate to each other, on the other hand, in such relationships, people tend to control each other. And more importantly, it is challenging for people to accept the existence of others in their self-consciousness, as if pieces of glass were dwelling in their own body. The unwillingness to forgive oneself is because deep inside he doesn’t permit the misdoings from himself, others or the society, showing he is strengthening and is attached to his ego.

The process of getting along with each other is also the journey of Dharma practice. We shall try to bring our heart back to the very first moment when we just got to know each other; try to remain respectful and keep in mind our needs; treat each other with kindness as we do to our guests and never forget about our initial motivation of trying to be with each other. When we meet for the first time, a lot of mutual needs comes along, however after a period of time we have more ‘not need’. It is just like the situation that both parties give up many to get married before marriage, but they begin to resume those things that have been given up after a period of getting on. It requires even more patience to digest and dissolve the unbalanced feeling caused by the fact that the reality does not match one’s needs.