赌气勿做

摘要：在人际交往中，赌气是让共处变得困难的最大力量。它其实是一个对抗的表现，来自委屈的放大，很多人一辈子都活在赌气中。

每个人每天至少有100个以上的赌气，一般自己都看不见。我们生命的大部分动力来自赌气——强化自我是赌气，给别人看是赌气，不服气是赌气，不示弱是赌气，你说东我向西是赌气，你笑我烦是赌气……静下来算算自己一天有多少个赌气？

赌气，是对着干，不但不解决问题，还会产生新问题。在人际交往中，赌气是让共处变得困难的最大力量。它其实是一个对抗的表现，来自委屈的放大，很多人一辈子都活在赌气中。看不到这些问题的发生过程，人在心理上就会出现莫名的紧张、说不清的别扭。

其实每个习惯都由四个步骤组成。让我们来剖析一下，把一个弹指一挥间的事情细分为四个阶段的过程——境（远方便）、念（近方便）、行（进趣方便）、果（结果）。比如说我看到了一枝花，这就是境；我很喜欢它，想去采摘它，这就产生了一个念；我走过去把它摘了，产生了一个行为； 结果是我拿到了这枝花。

两个人赌气吵架了，实际我们看到的是个结果，而发生在这个结果之前的三个步骤，我们却看不清、观察不到。所以平时我们根本不知道有时因为某人做了件事，自己在赌气。

知道这四个阶段了，智慧者就可以用特定的方法把一件事情发生的经过放慢，把时空拉长，就像把子弹撞击的那一瞬间——子弹冲出枪口、飞行、击中目标的那一刻——的画面凝固了一样，把过程看得十分细腻、清晰。如果不把时间、空间都置换了，普通人是没法分析的，只能看到有人中枪了。

如果我们能清晰地认识每个结果发生之前的三个步骤，就可以准确地在这三个可调整的空间过程中去作为。那这三个过程就会变成我们调整事情结果的三个方便作用力——从环境上、从念头上、从行为上，去清晰认识、准确调整，事情的结果就会依照我们想要的方向去发展。

我们一起来实践这个方法，解决赌气的问题：

• 首先，在境上去认识，赌气时要知道自己又陷入这样的习惯状态中。

• 其次，在心念上警惕自己，不要作思维、语言、行为的决定。如果此时已说了、做了、乱想了，也不必太在意，不去过多的自责或者骄慢，亦不去坚固赌气的状态。

• 最后，在行为上给自己做个约定——赌气时，自己及他人说的、做的不能算数，要原谅自己、原谅他人。

在这三个步骤中，最核心的是心念的运用。要认识到赌气只是个概念——它具有失心了、失控了、无有实质的特点，通过主动、积极地运用心念，比如随喜、祝福等等，我们可以从赌气中慢慢走出来，赌气的习惯也就随之淡化了。

Take a moment when irritated

Each day, every one of us experiences no less than hundreds of times some kind of irritation but we are usually not aware of it. And this sort of mood grants some sort of energy in life. Showing off, being stiff, being aggressive or defensive, making people upset or annoyed, stubbornness, all of these moods come from irritation.

Acting as a result of irritation does not help to solve any problem and may even create new ones. In personal interactions, this is the main cause that leads to the difficulties of getting along with people. In fact, people feel irritated because they exaggerate their feeling of self-pity. And most people lead their whole lives motivated by this energy. If we do not recognize how this problem occurs, we may get inexplicably nervous and uncomfortable.

In fact, each of our habits can be dissected into four consecutive stages: the object (or situation), the thought (the mind), the action (or behaviour) and the result. For example, imagine you see a flower (object), you like it so you want to pick it up (thought), you pick the flower (action) and the flower is not standing on her stem anymore but is in our hand (result).

But when two people are quarrelling, we only see the result (the quarrel) and we miss out the three first stages and this is why we do not realize that we are tricked by the thought of being irritated because someone has done something.

When we get to know the four steps, we are able to slow down and observe the different steps leading to a result. It gives time and space to notice. It is like witnessing a bullet in slow motion: first being triggered, second coming out of the gun, third darting through the air, fourth reaching the target. The sages would see each moment in details and with clarity. Ordinary people are not able to analyse things in such details and all they see is that someone got shot.

However, if we were clearly able to see the three steps prior to the result, we would be able to adjust our behaviours precisely during each relevant space allowing the three different stages which would become our convenient tools to change the environment, our thoughts and actions. In the end, the result would turn out to be what we wished for.

Let us solve these irritating feelings by practising this method:

• First recognise the situation, being conscious that we are, again, trapped into the habit of being irritated.

• Secondly, be mindful and aware of our thoughts.

• And third, do not rush to make a decision. If we have unfortunately committed some wrongdoings in words or actions, neither blame yourself nor be arrogant. Do not actualise this solidified state of irritation.

• And finally, acknowledge that what has been said or done by you or someone else should not be taken seriously. Thus, forgiving yourself and the others.

Among the three steps, the MIND is the key point. It is important to observe that irritation is a mere concept which as no real consistency, and therefore we can implement our intentions with a more proactive drive and choose to replace it with blessings and positive thoughts. In doing so, this feeling of discontent will gradually fade away and will no longer have influence on our actions.

《斐济日报》原文链接：http://newcloudfto.fijitimes.com/story.aspx?ref=archive&id=427773