长久关系的保持

摘要：我们来善用那些智慧者、觉悟者的一些方法，远离要求、指责、不满这样的短期效应，长久地支持与利益他人，让我们这颗心能光照一切，延续在久远的生命时空。

我们在家庭生活，工作交往中，怎么才能保持一种长久的关系呢？

首先我们先来分析认识下短期与长期这两种效应。短期性是来自相互之间的要求，一旦要求多了，内心不对称的东西就会增多，累积到一定程度就会承受不了，推卸责任，相互不满，指责伤害，无法长期相处下去。这些问题在身边最亲近的人像夫妻、子女、朋友之间尤其普遍。长期相处就一定是离不开相互支持，理解与辅助的。了解这两种效应实际是个因果法，在应作与不应作上清晰了，就会有个择取方便。

古代的智者与先贤们，他们不仅给了我们应作与不应作的参照，还常因为别人不应作的过失而生起了喜悦。这个喜是什么呢？就是把别人的过失当成修行的机会，不仅生起自觉，并且能令他人离苦得乐。 比方说当别人对你有要求或指责不满时，你马上能知道要求指责就是苦，是不应作分，感恩于此，回馈对方的不再是指责与伤害，而是给人以真正的利益与支持。像对对方要用柔软语，不用粗暴语；用慈悲心，不用减损心；找一个合适的因缘给对方提恰当的建议等。不管用哪个，都会因为别人的过失而得到了一个增上善缘，这个增上缘就是长期相处的一个特质。那反之呢，要求、指责、呵斥、伤害、粗犷语等等，都是短期的一个特质。就是大家可以一时的交往，也可能因为你这个强势，别人必须得接受等等，但是常以自己是正确的，或者是以正义的名义来要求指责别人的多，时间一长别人就受不了，承担不了这种相互的磨难，这一定带来的是个短期效应。

希望我们能把握长久的因果的善巧，来善用那些智慧者、觉悟者的一些方法，远离要求、指责、不满这样一个短期效应，能长久地支持与利益他人，让我们的这颗心能光照一切，延续久远的生命时空。

～～生命之光阳光早餐

开明师兄整理于2018年8月

Maintain a long-term relationship

How can we maintain a long-term relationship with the people around you?

First of all, let’s analyze what causes a long-term or short-term relationship. Short-term relationship sours with the demands to each other. Once demand accumulates, the inner balance is disrupted. When this disruption builds up beyond one’s limits, the following irresponsibility, resentment and accusation will lead to the breakdown of such a relationship. These problems are particularly common between couples, among family members and friends. In contrast, a long-term relationship is dependent on mutual support, understanding and assistance. It is the law of cause and effect that drives a relationship into different results. We can always make the right choice if we are clear about the line between what we should and should not do.

The ancient wise ones have not only provided a reference to what we should and what we shouldn’t do, but also treated others’ mistakes with pleasure. Where does the pleasure come from? The wise ones made the mistakes of others as opportunities of dharma-practising, which could benefit themselves and help others by setting them free from these mistakes.

For example, when others demand or accuse us, we appreciate because we can immediately recognize that such actions are source of sufferings and are what we shouldn’t do. So we can avoid such mistakes, which serves as our motivation to genuinely support rather than harm them, such as speaking softly instead of harshly, being compassionate instead of detrimental, or finding the right timing to give better suggestions, and etc. Whatever the supporting methods we use, we will gain a long-term beneficial relationship through the mistakes of others.

In contrast, demands, accusations, scolding, harm and harsh words will lead to a short-term relationship. People might passively accept our aggression temporarily. If we think we are always right and use our rightness as an excuse to demand and accuse others, the others may not afford the accumulations with the time, our relationship will break up easily.

Hope we can learn how to maintain a long-term relationship from the teachings of the wise and the enlightened ones. Keep away from the short-term factors in terms of demands, accusations, and dissatisfaction. Consistently support and nourish others to make our mind shine pervasively in the whole life and throughout the future.