爱与责任

摘要：爱与责任的纠结，实际是一个人成熟与不成熟的问题。一个真正成熟的人，一定会在思想、意识、作为上照顾于人。他们照顾别人很自然，就像灯放光了一样，会照亮周边的世界。

爱与责任的纠结，实际是一个人成熟与不成熟的问题。

每个人身上都有愿意照顾别人或者被别人照顾的东西。然而一个真正成熟的人，一定会在思想、意识、作为上照顾于人。他们照顾别人很自然，就像灯放光了一样，会照亮周边的世界。不成熟的人就没有这个光，因为他不圆满，就是心智程序不够具足。

照顾他人是成年人的作为。我们现在很多成年人虽然都成家立业、有孩子了，但自己在心理上还不是成年人，不成熟的东西太多了，就是还没有做好成年人的准备。自己还在需要被照顾的状态，就去养育孩子、照顾别人，就承担不了。

心理上没有一个完整的心智程序，身心发育不全，心不圆满，心理缺失，思想、行为幼稚……这样的人特别多。我们这个时代不懂得照顾别人、反而需要被照顾的人特别多，这是普遍现象。我们观察观察，实际大多数人都需要被帮助。

真正的成年人，身心能力都具足了，他就有力量去帮助别人。心理准备不够、不成熟的人，还需要一个身心发育俱全的缘起，令自己成长、成熟起来。心理调整，无疑是建立缘起的一个最直接的方法。

调整就是直接转化，就是设置作为。我们在这个幻化的世界中，妙就妙在 “演”上——我们能设置生活，扮演各种生命角色。比如，婚姻是一个设置。像海誓山盟、相守相伴等等，就是婚姻中对彼此作为的一个设置和依止。随着婚姻设置的习惯，我们的生命会一直相续下去
。
不成熟，其实也是个习惯。好比说幼稚，就是人好玩，热衷游戏、戏耍、游玩。幼稚本身其实没有什么实质东西，就是一个玩耍的过程。我们大家身上都会有不成熟的这种习惯，但有的人会将它保持一生甚至多生，一直都沉静不下来。现实中很多人的身上，终生都看不到沉静的成熟。人生百年的时间，大多数人基本上就是被动在生老病死的因缘中，什么因缘来了，就被这个因缘所推动，一生就是被动。

主动地运用生命，是十分重要的。让我们在生命短暂的过程中，学会观察自己的人生，主动调整自己的心态，成为心智成熟的人。

Love and Responsibility

The struggle between love and responsibility is actually an issue of maturity.

To take care of others and to be taken care of are part of everyone’s life. Mature people take care of others in their thoughts, heart and deeds. Just like a lamp lightening up the world around, they automatically take care of others. Whereas an immature individual cannot radiate such light for he is not complete enough, that is to say, his mental program has not yet been completed.

Taking care of others is what adults do. Nowadays many adults have established their own families and business and have had their own kids, however, mentally they have not grown up yet. They are not ready for being adults with such immature attitudes. Bringing up children or looking after other people is too much for those who crave for being taken care of.

There is a large number of people lacking complete mental maturity, equipped with incomplete mental and physical development. Their mind is not fulfilled and their thinking and behavior are naive. It is common that nowadays many people have no idea how to look after others. Instead, they need care from people around. If we observe our life, we will find that most people need help.

Real adults have fully developed their mental and physical strengths and thus they are strong enough to help other people. Whereas, with an immature mind, one needs an opportunity to nourish himself both mentally and physically, to be fully grown up and mature. Adjustments of mind, no doubt, is the most direct solution here.

Adjustment is a kind of direct change, which comes from adapting certain behaviors. In such an illusory world as ours, the most marvelous part is “performing”- we can set up our lives by performing various roles in life. For instance, marriage is one of the setting in life. Vow of eternal loyalty to love and accompany, in marriage, is the base that sets up what couples should do. Our life will continue with these habits cultivated in marriage.

Actually, immaturity is also a habit. We may say that being naive, be fond of games and playing, is not such a big deal. It is simply a process. Many of us have these habits. Some people may keep those habits for a lifetime or even many lives until they finally calm down. In reality, many people fail to calm down and mature through their whole life. In this short life of no more than one hundred years, most are haunted passively by birth, aging, illness and death. They are driven by whatever comes in life and thus their life becomes passive.

So it is extremely important to take responsibility for our life. In our transient life time, let’s learn how to observe our life, adjust our attitudes and become a mentally mature person.

《斐济日报》原文链接：http://newcloudfto.fijitimes.com/story.aspx?ref=archive&id=435035