近则不逊

摘要：要想彻底地解决“近则不逊”的问题，我们就要回到本质上，回到零点，回到初次见面最美好的点，天天回、事事回，就能得到生命源头力量的支持。

我们生活中的人际交往或者做事，一开始都会觉得美好、新奇，一旦拥有就不珍惜，很难持之以恒。不尊重、不呵护自己的拥有，否定现缘、妄自菲薄。这是个很普遍的问题与现象。

古代先贤有句话：近则不逊，远则怨 。近距离交往久了，人反而不屑于彼此，不尊重了。不像刚刚接触的时侯，我们看到的都是对方的优势、长处、喜欢的东西，交往久了就会积攒一些像尘垢一样的恶业，负面的粘着就悄悄地蒙蔽了我们的内心，造成了“近则不逊”的障碍。

我们常常不知道这些说不清、道不明的烦恼是从哪儿来的。像夫妻、朋友、合作伙伴在交往过程中，会出现很多莫名烦恼，如不及时处理，就会不舒服。一旦关系断裂，交往没有了，相互得不到支持了，心生怨恨就是个必然的结果。

其实每个生命都有其不可替代的、完成自身因果的价值，所以没必要妄自菲薄或轻蔑他人。“近则不逊”是积累必然造成的蒙蔽。人不会积累好事，只会积累恶事，因为好事容易过去，一笑而过；恶事粘着，粘在心里容易积累，积累就会“不逊”。

恰恰应该是拥有什么就珍惜什么。但很奇特的是，我们一旦进入某个群体、环境久了，看到的都是负面的东西，这种蒙蔽常把曾经美好的东西给淹没了。我们要善于观察这些普遍问题发生的缘起、过程与结果。认清了，我们才有方法去处理。

阳光早餐第一篇发布的八字决——尊重、协商、约定、守护——就是个可执行的方法。通过相互的理解与包容，真诚的面对与交流，耐心的调整，可以把“近则不逊”与“远则怨恨”转化为尊重与支持。守护一个于自身、他人有意义的约定，不忘初心，哪怕出现了一些不习惯、不适应的事情，也要去尊重它、调整它。珍惜已有的现缘，觉悟每个珍贵的当下。对别人不屑就是对自己的轻蔑，因为自己的心污染了。

我们要想彻底地解决“近则不逊”的问题，就要回到本质上，从零开始、重新开始，把粘着的、过去残留的记忆彻底清洗掉，回到一切事情没有发生之前，回到没有积攒的状态，再去思考如何解决问题，就会变得简单有力。

回到零点，回到初次见面最美好的点，天天回、事事回，我们就能得到生命源头力量的支持。

Disrespect Increases when People Get Close

A relationship or anything, for that matter, seems to be beautiful and wonderful in the beginning. But that feeling does not last for we hardly cherish what we already have. In this way, it is common to become disrespectful, which causes further problems and difficulties.

An old saying goes that disrespect arises when people get close and complaints increase when they become distant. Because once two people get close, disdain grows. They no longer admire each other’s merits and shining points. Just as dust accumulates discreetly, likewise, the dark side of a person fills one’s mind, unnoticed. This is how disrespect grows between two people.

We do not know where those afflictions come from. It is difficult to point them out exactly. In a relationship between spouses, friends or partners, unknown disturbances cause uncomfortable feelings if we do not know how to deal with them. Then people get distant, and complaints and hatred definitely increase when a relationship ends with no more support.

In fact, each and every life has its unique value to accomplish on its own. So, there is no need to scorn yourself or others. Disrespect increases as a result of accumulation. People tend to accumulate what is never good. Our mind has this tendency to dwell on negative aspects while positive things are more easily forgotten. And that is the reason why disrespect grows in a relationship. On the contrary, what we should cherish is what we have. However, strangely enough, we are unable to see anything positive when we live in community after a long period of time. This inability prevents the bright experiences of the past to make our life blossom.

Therefore, we need to observe how these problems occur as well as their causes and impacts. Once we see this process clearly, the answer is there.

The Four Word Rule: Respect, Negotiation, Agreement, Observance, which is explained in a former article of Sunshine Breakfast, could be applied to the problem above.

Mutual understanding and tolerance, sincere communication and patient adjustment turn disrespect and complaints into respect and support. Keep the promise of being beneficial to yourself and others. Keep the promise even when obstacles arise. Adjust your mind. Cherish what you already have at this moment. Let this precious moment be enlightenment. You know, to despise others is to distain yourself for your mind gets stained from it. A radical solution to be respectful is to go back to the very beginning. Restart everything and delete all the memories as if nothing ever happened and nothing has accumulated between you and others. Then you will stay in a simple and powerful status to think of a solution.

Go back to the most beautiful point when people first meet. Go back to that point each day, in each event. We will get supported by the fountain of life in this way.

《斐济日报》原文链接：http://newcloudfto.fijitimes.com/story.aspx?ref=archive&id=426172